A couple of days ago—while I was on the road trying to balance work demands with helping my parents do some spring cleaning and looking at potential housing options for an upcoming move—a reader named Tim made the following comment on a previous post I’d written about the advantages of adventure for relationship happiness:
Great advice! But how to do this plus manage a family and a business life on the road is at the heart of the issue.
Arriving on my computer when it did, the comment, and its implied question, hit home with particular force. In thinking about it, I had to admit that a lot of my more spectacular adventures—at least in the physical adventure realm—have taken place when I was single, unattached, and could set aside some dedicated, uninterrupted time for one particular activity. I’m luckier than most on that front because often, I’ve been able to go on an adventure and call it work. And at other times, I’ve been able to finish a book project in a frenzy and then, with my income for the next few months assured, take a little time off to explore the world.
One of the big appeals of physical adventure activities, in fact, is that by their very nature, they require us to disconnect from all the other voices hammering for our attention and allow us the blissful experience of concentrating on one thing for a period of time. Mountain climbing, flying, scuba diving, and trips to remote corners of the world all take us out of the maddening multi-tasking demands of daily life and not only allow us to focus on ourselves, and where we are in any given moment … but actually require us to do that, for our very survival. Which alleviates even the guilt we might otherwise feel about removing ourselves from all our other obligations.
Contained in this truth is a very important lesson to which we all should pay VERY close attention. In late 2007, Walter Kirn wrote an article in The Atlantic asserting that multi-tasking made us stupid. Life, especially for people with families, is a non-stop multi-tasking challenge, of course. But maybe we should be looking at ways to dump some of the “ought to dos” and “want to dos” off the list and carve out a little more space to do one thing at a time, and give ourselves the joy of complete immersion in a single activity. Clearly, we crave this kind of focus. We should listen to that craving, if we want to stay happy and sane.
It’s not always possible to have what we want, of course. And I speak from VERY deep personal experience on that one. At the moment, in fact, my own life is pulled in far too many directions, leaving me frustratingly short of enough concerted, uninterrupted time to devote to any piece of it. And, like Tim, I end up feeling crazed and dissatisfied.
So what are we to do, when life pulls us in too many directions, and we’re so stretched balancing work travel, work and family concerns to allow ourselves that focus or time?
In the short-term, I think we sometimes need to accept, like Tim went on to say, that managing the craziness IS our adventure and challenge of the moment. But experienced adventurers also know that, even as you battle the immediate threats of any given moment, you also have to turn one eye toward getting someplace better. Or, as the military would phrase it, you have to think strategically as well as tactically, at all times.
Which is all to say that sometimes, it’s almost all you can do to fight off the alligators of the moment. But I think it’s also important, even as you do that, to work on a plan for getting somewhere a little more sane. Even if it means potentially making some really big life changes. A friend I know quit her corporate marketing job and changed their lifestyle dramatically so they could live on just his salary. “It just wasn’t making anyone happy, the way things were,” she told me at the time.
Over the next few years, that decision allowed her to take up enough slack on the home front that, despite their lowered income, she and her family were able to take many adventurous vacations. The stress level in the household decreased, the happiness level increased, and she says she has no regrets. As the kids got older, she went back to school, got her Master’s degree in teaching, and has now carved out a new career as a teacher. She loves it in a way she never loved her marketing career.
That’s just one example. But the point is, for most of us, there are numerous roads that could make us happy. Sometimes it’s hard to see anything but where we are. But that doesn’t mean other options don’t exist.
If you’re basically happy with your life, but just a little overloaded, a few tweaks can make a big difference. But if you’re not … perhaps it’s time to assess whether the stress is just the passing storm of a temporary family crisis or life stage, or a sign that you’re on a path that shows no signs of improving or changing. If the latter is the case … maybe you need to consider not the simple adventure of flying or a mountain expedition, but perhaps the much bigger adventure of changing paths entirely.
After all, some level of discomfort goes along with any adventure or endeavor. But by the same token, no pilot or mountain climber survives long if they don’t recognize when the path they’re on isn’t likely to improve, and make the decision to change course, turn back, or call it a day.
Well I’ve given much thought to your words. I do believe you’ve nailed it. I’m more than just a little overloaded, so some focus is a very relevant need. I’ve started one too many “adventures”, without seeing them to conclusion. I have several flight plans filed, but lack a true destination. I need to cancel all of the pending and partially completed adventures. I then need to create a brand new one or resurrect an old one with a new passion, like getting my PPL, and see it to conclusion.
There’s a bigger story behind it too, and that’s the life stage thing. I’ve reached the milestones I was professionally seeking, but now want a new adventure there too. Perhaps I actually have too much, allowing myself too many distractions and other want-to-do and ought-to-do opportunities?
It is time for complete immersion personally and professionally. That in itself sounds like the best adventure!