An article published in this week’s “Science Times” (the New York Times weekly science section), illuminated yet another reason to take on adventure (see LaneWallace.com for more on how I use and mean that word).
More specifically, a reason to take on adventure … with your spouse/significant other/partner.
Adventure, of course, offers all sorts of gifts for individuals who undertake it—education, fun, an expanded world, increased confidence, a sense of vitality and being alive … the list is long and distinguished, and if you do a quick search of “adventure and risk” posts on this site, you’ll get a lot of info on my and other people’s thoughts on the subject.
But researchers at Stony Brook University have come with yet another reason to embrace more adventurous pursuits. In a recent study they found that couples who took on adventures together (not necessarily physical adventures, but world-expanding or challenging experiences of one kind or another) … reported higher levels of commitment (and therefore fidelity) than those that did not.
The reason, according to researcher and psychologist Arthur Aron, is that people who believe that their partner provides “a source of exciting experiences,” makes them a better person, expands their world and, beyond that, expands their own capabilities, tend to feel—not surprisingly—higher levels of love and relationship satisfaction. And participating in world-expanding experiences, and taking on challenges together, reinforces all those feelings.
“We enter relationships because the other person becomes part of ourselves, and that expands us,” Dr. Aron was quoted as saying. “That’s why people who fall in love stay up all night talking, and it feels really exciting. We think couples can get some of that back by doing challenging and exciting things together.”
So there you have it. Scientific proof for anyone whose spouse or partner is a little reluctant to jump off that comfort cliff and explore a new country, go on that backpacking trip, try a new sport or experience, sail around the world, or start a new family business … it may be the best thing that’s ever happened not only to you, but to your relationship, as well. Even if it’s not all easy or fun.
People need growth, new experiences and challenge to stay vital, alive and happy. That’s part of why adventure, in all its guises, continues to hold an appeal for us. Not surprising, then, that relationships need the same things.
Viva L’Amour? Viva L’Aventure!
Great advice! But how to do this plus manage a family and a business life on the road is at the heart of the issue. Perhaps at the end of the day that is the challenge I am involved with and I just need to accept it as my trip around the world or getting my private license.